Uncovering
the truth behind
the mysterious Crop Circles
Over the course of a week, Spud studied the precision designs that had been cut into the wheat fields just outside of Wawota, Saskatchewan. Mapping and measuring, he surveyed the area in detail from both the ground and the air. The design itself seemed to be random and did not match any of the illustrations or symbols in any of his reference books. The tater tried to draw parallels back to the writings of ancient civilizations, but still came up empty.
Feeling somewhat distraught, the potato decided to go to the local tavern and collect his thoughts. When he arrived at the smoke-filled local, he saw a number of farmers that were well into the bag after partaking in jug after jug of the local lager.
They
looked back at Spud with disdain in their eyes. The carbohydrate was surprised
by their reaction and thought it was quite strange. The conversation in
the bar also dropped to an eery silence causing Spud to feel somewhat
self conscious. They obviously didn't take a liking to the potato being
there. After downing a quick Grasshopper Ale, Spud left the uneasiness
of the tavern.
Spud felt something was odd about the patrons, so he hid outside until the group emerged. At about 2:00 AM, the drunkards started to file out and climb into their tractors. The tuber quickly jumped into one of the wheel wells as they motored down the road bellowing out Hank Williams tunes at the top of their lungs. After a short distance of weaving back and forth, the tractors drove off into a wheat field, crushing the crops beneath the mammoth tractor wheels as they punctuated their songs with belches. Spud had discovered the secret to the cryptic crop circles at last!
Eager
to expose the scam, Spud leaped from the wheel and began to run back to
the motel. Unfortunately, he was spotted by one of the drivers and a chase
ensued. Although Spud is fast for a potato, he was easily caught by one
of the inebriated tillers.
The farmers were well aware of the importance the crop circles had played in their local economy - supplementing poor growing seasons with the increase in tourism. They were not about to let some plastic potato head expose their fraud.
After being pummeled senseless, Spud was tossed into the field and then hay baled. The following day he was to be sold to Iceland as feed. Fortunately, he managed to escape his confines moments before being loaded onto the truck. Beaten and battered, it was time to flee the prairie.