Aliens and Enchiladas
Spud was traveling through southern New Mexico in 2006 with a few stops noted on his itinerary. His first stop would be to explore the rolling white dunes of White Sands National Monument. Spud has been a big fan of sand for years and the unique white sand in this remote area was especially photogenic.
Being so remote however, meant that the US Military would also use the area for testing missiles, which made the potato more than a little nervous. The idea of 'testing' explosive warheads usually meant having them land and explode, so it was probably not a great idea to have a family picnic there.
Regardless, the main point of interest on his itinerary was to visit The Shrine of the Holy Tortilla in the tiny hamlet of Lake Arthur. It was October of 1977 when Maria Rubio was preparing breakfast for her husband when she had a 'sign from above'. As she flipped her husband's tortilla in her skillet, the burn marks resembled the face of Jesus. Her discovery, led to a phenomenon attracting pilgrimages of believers the world over to pay their respects to Mr. Rubio's breakfast.
Spud had experienced a similar event one year when making a grilled cheese sandwich. Scorch marks from his fry pan left an image eerily resembling Pedro, the potato's plumber. Sadly, Pedro didn't have the same appeal as Jesus.
The potato arrived on Maria's stoop to pay his respects and see the immortal tortilla. He was greeted by the elderly lady who sadly informed the tuber that the holy flatbread had taken a turn for the worse. Apparently, her grandson took the almighty, pressed behind glass in a dollar-store frame, to school for show & tell and dropped him enroute. The fragile forty year old flatbread shattered into shards and crumbs.
Having come for spiritual guidance and perhaps learn the meaning of life, sadly looking at the broken tortilla, it only inspired him to go to the local sports bar for a plate of nachos.
While in the local tavern, Spud asked one of the locals if there were any interesting sights to see in the area. The grizzly patron listed off a few; emphasizing one sight in particular - the mysterious VLA
The VLA (Very Large Array), is a radio astronomy observatory on the plains of St. Augustin. Consisting of 27 enormous independent antennae that move along rails, the grouping can be configured to observe distant galaxies and black holes. Although scientists and astronomers won't admit it, the VLA can also be used as an astronomical cell phone to contact extraterrestrials from other planets.
New Mexico has a history of being a hotbed for aliens, and not just the border jumpers from Mexico. Many believe it is the draw of the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta, however they more likely come for Heisenberg's Blue Meth and Los Pollos Hermanos
Spud was able to bribe one of the guards at the VLA to release some inside information about the site's activities. While the guard didn't disclose much, he did elude that some ETs had crashed their spacecraft near the town of Roswell recently, and their bodies were being studied in that area, somewhere in a secret bunker. Intrigued, the potato set off to find the corpses
This was not the first time that aliens had crashed near Roswell. In 1995, a truckload of illegal aliens from Honduras crashed into a Whataburger and before that in the 1940s aliens from another galaxy smashed their saucer a short distance from town in a farmer's field. The government tried to cover up both incidents.
Once Spud arrived in Roswell he began asking around to gain clues to the hidden bunker. A visit to another tavern found a rather boisterous schizophrenic drunkard in the corner that was screaming about a cover up. Spud was eager to hear the man out.
A shot of Jack Daniels was all that was needed to get the stories started.The man told Spud of a major local cover-up involving the government and home video game pioneer Atari. The conspiracy theorist continued, stating that back in the early 1980s, Atari struck a deal with director Steven Spielberg to develop the video game E.T. based on his blockbuster movie and to be cross promoted with the release of the movie in 1983. In anticipation of massive sales, Atari manufactured a whopping 12 million game cartridges; despite having only sold 10 million game consoles up until that time.
When the game was released, it proved to be both buggy & boring and sales stopped rapidly at about 1.5 million once the word got out. Having over 10 million extra cartridges on hand, Atari didn't want to let the public know of its failure, so it set out to quietly dispose of the disastrous campaign. Senior officials worked out a deal with the mayor of the town of Alamogordo to bury the cartridges in a hole outside of the town where the government had a special bunker to cover up. It was that bunker that Spud believed was where the aliens were being studied.
After Spud made his way to Alamogordo, he greased a few palms and found his way to the unnatural landfill. Renting a trackhoe, he began digging. It wasn't long before he hit metal; the corner of a bunker. Clearing away the edges, he soon discovered it had an entranceway through a dumpster. The tato slipped inside...
A number of dimly lit corridors intertwined inside the bunker. The shivering of a fluorescent lamp at the end of a hallway beckoned the potato. The light illuminated what appeared to be an operating room with several figures splayed out on stainless steel tables. He had found the extra-terrestrial crash victims
Medical charts lay nearby which Spud examined. The recent autopsy and toxicology tests ruled that the aliens had been flying under the influence when they crashed & apparently the saucer didn't have airbags.
