VIRGINIA
Spud made his virgin visit to Virginia in August of 2004. He had been procrastinating in making the trip and the locals in the small hamlet of Burnt Chimney, VA knew about it. A group had conspired to set a road block up for the potato and introduce him to their local form of punishment: The Ass-Kicking machine
Developed by shadetree engineer Bob Booth in 1988, this water powered wheel has a significant work boot attached that is capable of delivering over 100 swift 'boots in the rear' per hour.
The surly gang encouraged Spud to take his place and pay the price for taking so long to visit one of the USA's first states.
With bruised buttocks, Spud sheepishly climbed back into his car. Scanning the net for other notable sites nearby, he came across the town of Winchester, which claimed to have 'the world's largest apple'. Having previously seen the gargantuan spartan in Ontario, Canada, a claim for a larger apple seemed quite a stretch. Time would soon tell how it measured up.
Sadly, the claim was far from reality. While it's big, it is dwarfed by its Canadian cousin.
Sitting in the car seat for a long period of time proved to be rather uncomfortable that Spud decided to wind up this trip to Virgina early. His return visit would be in October of 2014, when he made his pilgrimage to Mount Vernon. Although he had been to nearby Washington DC on a number of occasions, this was his first time to visit the home of the original president of the USA: George Washington.
Spud would learn that Mount Vernon was a bit of a misnomer given that there isn't a mountain in sight. No doubt a presidential ruse to throw off his detractors. Presidents have been known to fib once or twice...
The Estate known as Mt Vernon is situated on roughly 500 acres and the presidential home was built between 1758 and 1778. Sounds like he had as dependable and timely contractors as there are in Arizona today, but I digress...
Washington lived at the Estate up until his death in 1799. Of course, all the history of the estate and its guests was interesting, but it all paled in comparison of the place's true showpiece: The last surviving full set of Washington's dentures.
Spud had visited George's fake eyelashes at a Museum in Maryland some years previously, so this was another key part of the man that was the US' first leader.
The choppers are on display behind glass and so revered are they, that photographs are strictly forbidden. Who knows what untold damage could be done by photographing a set of old teeth....
Dosents will spin a tale of how Washington lost his teeth from decay due to poor diet and nutrition, however Spud figured it was more likely he was talking smack down at a local watering hole and a surly Brit literally wiped the smile off his face.
Whatever the reason, the dentures themselves were quite a sight. The Pres must not have had insurance as he declined porcelain in favour of a more radical approach.
Washington's set used hippopotamus ivory, a combination of animal and human teeth all set in lead with brass screws. It was not sure if the lead came from China.
Not only was he a forefather of the country, but he was also the forefather of dental 'bling'.
Spud was bummed that he couldn't take a photo of the real thing, however his feathers were smoothed over once he visited the gift shop and found 'replicas' for sale.
It didn't take long before the tato was rockin' his new presidential grill...
