Spud
scales Mount Adams
One of the highlights of Spud's climbs up mighty Mount Rainier was the view from base camp across to Rainier's brother: the equally impressive Cascade volcano known as Mount Adams. Having achieved his goal of summiting Mount Rainier, Spud next set his sights on reaching the 12,276 foot (3742 m) pinnacle of his little brother.
Rather than paying an exorbitant wad of cash to hire a guide, Spud decided that he had acquired enough skills to lead himself up the icy slopes safely. As an extra measure of precaution, he rented the Vertical Limit DVD and studied it for days to learn how to leap off a cliff with ice tools in case he had to flee nitroglycerine-toting terrorists.
Confident in his mountaineering skills, the tuber set off on the arduous climb up the South Spur to base camp.
Concerned about keeping his butter pats from freezing at the higher altitude, the potato slogged a heavy portable heater in his backpack. The extra weight slowed Spud's progress and he arrived at the 9200 foot (2804 metre) base camp, totally spent. Fortunately, Spud was just able to finish setting up his tent when storm clouds rose up from the valley floor and shrouded the top of the mountain. Within minutes, the heavens opened and a blizzard of blowing snow began pummeling the potato's shelter. Mother Nature continued to punish the mountain throughout the night, churning Adams with a vortex of hurricane force winds and heavy, wet snow.
Spud awoke the next morning to find that his tent had been completely buried by the huge drifts of snow. The side dish managed to pull a sheet of tin foil from his pack and placed it on the snow surface to reflect the sun's rays on to the tent to help melt it's icy plot. There was a small break in the weather and Spud decided to seize the opportunity and make his bid for the summit.
The deep snow and steep, icy slopes slowed Spud's advancement. Still feeling the fatigue of his climb to base camp the day before, the potato laboured upwards, devouring bacon bits along the way in an effort to keep his strength up. The winds pushed back relentlessly; trying to prohibit the tater from reaching his goal, but his determination was not to be denied. Completely exhausted, the resolute tuber planted his flag at the Geological survey marker signaling the apex of Adams' lofty peak.
Spud's
elation at his hard fought victory shrouded the fact that reaching the
summit was merely the half way point in his climb. The tater let his guard
down somewhat as he began to descend the tumultuous South Face.
The 'tato tripped on his crampons and fell on the steep snowy slope. Unable to arrest himself with his ice axe, the tuber began to gain momentum as his rotund body began collecting snow. Soon the side dish was encased within a mammoth snowball, rumbling down the mountain at breakneck speed toward a team of unsuspecting climbers. WUMP...WUMP...WUMP was all that could be heard as the swirling sphere steamrolled the unfortunate mountaineers, before crashing into a large rock outcropping and ejecting the potato onto the glacier.
When all came to rest, the carnage on the slopes of Mount Adams was a veritable stew of flattened parkas and shells sprinkled with trail mix.
The
National Park Service had to call in the military to airlift the many
victims to the nearby Madigan Army Medical Center. When rescuers found
Spud, his face was unrecognizable as his appendages were strewn across
the mountain. Fearing the worst, and seeing no signs of life, they took
Spud to the Hospital's cafeteria where they were going to donate his body
to the evening's entree. Fortunately, Spud managed to pull a spare set
of eyes out of his trapdoor and saw what his fate was to be, moments before
being tossed into a pot of boiling water. Needless to say, the potato
made a hasty exit.
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