and the Lost Dutchman's Mine
Spud was performing his nightly ritual
of watching 'Mod Squad' reruns one evening
late last year when he saw an infomercial touting a sure-fire 'Get-Rich-Quick'
scheme in the Superstition Mountains of Arizona. The ad told the
tale of a lost mine hidden in the Mountains just outside of Phoenix
that housed countless caches of gold. Intrigued, he sent off the $19.95
for a copy of the map that would lead him to the treasure. Once in hand,
the intrepid potato left the frigid temperatures of the Great White
North to venture down to the Valley of the Sun to begin his quest.
Soon after arriving, Spud visited a livery
in the old mining town of Goldfield to wrangle up a horse. Before long,
he and his trusty steed were deep in the Sonoran desert.
Hour after hour passed as Spud traveled
further into the Superstitions. His mind raced with the legend
of the mine and the fate of those in its past. The original discoverers
were ambushed and killed by Apaches and the Dutchman for whom it is
named had taken the secret of it's location to the grave. That is until,
Fran Tarkenton and Guthy Renker promotions came across the map to its
Spud studied his map carefully - although
it had handy pictures of footprints and dashed lines, it was difficult
to follow as it wound and twisted back on itself countless times.
Undaunted, Spud pressed on...eager to discover the gold for himself.
Hours turned into days ... days turned
into a week ... then two... Spud became disenchanted with the
validity of the map. As much as he wanted to find the lost mine,
eventually his supplies ran out and he had to abandon his search.
Feeling disheartened and cheated, Spud
made a nasty phone call to Fran Tarkenton complaining about the uselessness
of the map he had paid for. Spud explained that the footprints on the
map had him going in circles and that there was no sign of gold.
When Mr. Tarkenton heard that there were footprints on the map he gasped
in shock on the other end of the phone - Guthy Renker had not sent him
a Map of the Lost Dutchman's mine; instead, they had sent him the dance
steps to Richard Simmon's new "Sweating to the Oldie's"