Spud's
first encounter with Singapore came as a terrifying ordeal rather than
a planned adventure. It began in late May of 1998, when his plane was
hijacked and he was held captive
in the city's underworld. By utilizing his wit and ingenuity, he was able
to escape incarceration and flee
to Indonesia. At that time, Singapore was the last place he wanted to
see!
After regaining his composure and his finances (through the generosity of some poor poker players), he was ready to return to Singapore in June of '98 to see what he had missed. Eager to find a good karaoke bar, Spud bought a map of the downtown core. Not realizing that the map was in cantonese, he found it to be of little use. Fortunately, he stumbled across a statue of Singapore's central business district that was incredible in it's detail of office towers and drinking establishments. It was there that Spud's eyes locked with those of a local exotic passing by - a durian named Doreen.
Spud
had never seen an organism like Doreen ever before and he was immediately
enthralled. Not to mention aroused by her rough and horny exterior. Doreen
had arrived on a trading boat from Malaysia to be sold at the markets
along with the rest of her family. She escaped when she fell from a carton
while being unloaded. Having come to know the city fairly well, the Durian
offered to give Spud a tour. Being as it had been quite some time since
Spud had been with an exotic, he aptly agreed.
The tour took in many sites - the city's rendering of Salvador Dali; rumoured to be their finest work, a black bird statue symbolising hospitality and friendship, the Strait's Trading Company in the heart of the Financial District and the Padang located near one of the city's many lewd smelling hawker stalls.
The more Spud spent with the mysterious friendly Durian, the more enticed he became. He was all smiles when she offered to take him home to her abode near the river bank Boat Quay.
Spud's
excitement once again turned to terror when he saw that the Durian was
living in an area of town called Orchard Road known for it's large transvestite
population. The tuber's suspicions were confirmed when Doreen admitted
that she was 'a fruit'! Shocked beyond belief at the thought that he was
starting to have nasty thoughts about a 'fruit', Spud fled as fast as
his plastic feet could carry him! He had had enough of the Far East and
longed to be back in familiar ground - where veggies are veggies and tubers
are tubers!