Spud has managed to visit the great state of Texas on numerous occasions. The first was in July of 1995 when he was hitchhiking through New Mexico and made a side trip down to El Paso to see if he could find himself a little mexican cutie like Marty Robbins did. He had no luck in that department, but he did meet a Mexican sheriff who proceeded to pull him over for heading the wrong way down a one way street. Spud promptly trashed his Marty Robbins 8-track after that incident.
The second visit was to the south eastern part of the state in February of 1998. Spud loved tearing around Houston and its "Hot Wheels track"-like layout of the freeway system. A few days in town during the start of their annual livestock show and Rodeo, the Potato came down with a severe case of REDNECKITIS. Airport security would not clear him for air travel until he was cured, so he was forced to head to the famed Astrodome to take in a Monster Truck event. After 3 hours of screaming "YAHOO, Crush that baby!!" and inhaling plumes of exhaust fumes, he was back on his feet.
In addition to his big city exploits, Spud ventured outside Houston to see the historic battleground at San Jacinto where Texas fought Mexico for their independence. The site is adorned with an obelisk similar to the national monument in Washington and it too has a reflecting pool in it's foreground. Spud was unhappy to find that the gift shop at the site didn't have black velvet posters of the structure. His collection would have to suffer.
Heading south towards the border town of Brownsville, the tuber stopped at an area that was home to yet another regal statue; the Iwo Jima Memorial. Harlingen, Texas was in fact, the home of the original plaster model which it's Arlington, Virginia counterpart is based on.It appears as though some foreign tourists were visiting the town and saw the marvel being created in someone's backyard. They stole the idea, built a similar model and then sold it to the Marine Corps for a hefty sum; cutting the original sculptor out of the action. The unfortunate artist now makes doll furniture out of popsicle sticks.
One can not travel to Texas and miss sampling some good ole BBQ! Spud was no exception and he satisfied his hunger for ribs and jalapeno pinto beans at the Goode Co. in Houston. Armed with a bottle of Cowboy lager, he began settling back for a good feed when the cook spotted him, through him in some foil and on to the barbie! The heat was tremendous and Spud's plastic body began to sizzle. A wretched odour from the near-melting plastic filled the restaurant and caused a riot among the patrons. The national guard had to be called in to restore order. Fortunately, Spud managed to break free of his aluminum casket and dove to safety in the salad bar. Cooling himself amongst the romaine, he was relieved to notice only minor burns. Cutting his losses while he had the chance, he fled the scene.
When Spud was in Florida the prior month, he was unable to make the two hour drive to the Kennedy Space Center to see the launch site for NASA. Eager to be the first Potato in Space, he certainly couldn't pass up an opportunity to visit NASA's headquarters at the Johnson Space Center just outside of Houston.
In May of 1998, Spud was summoned by a representative from the Warren Commission to look into the investigation of the single bullet theory at the site of the Grassy Knoll in Dallas. He obliged, and spent three days combing the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository and the grounds of Dealey Plaza in search of new evidence. His examination of the area turned up peanut shells and a case of beer but no shell casings.
After growing increasingly discouraged at the results of his efforts, he was about to close the case when he saw a cadillac convertible motor past the Grassy Knoll where he stood, with what looked to be an aging JFK in the back seat. Surprised and horrified, Spud jumped in a cab and sped after the fleeing car. A two hour chase through the Dallas / Fort Worth area ensued until Spud's cab forced the convertible off the road. The intrepid potato leaped out and ran to uncover that the mystery man in the back seat was indeed JFK; Jack Frederick Klugman or Quincy as he is known.
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